On Sporting Events

I try to make it out to a number of live sporting events every year, and there have become three constants whenever I go to a Memphis Grizzlies game.

1) I will feel extremely awkward during the National Anthem.

2) I will feel even more awkward when I am expected to stand and applaud some random person who has recently returned from Iraq.

3) I will want to throw something very large and very heavy at the person singing yet another breathy Whitney Houston inspired version the National Anthem.

Let's address these events in reverse order.

During my teens and early twenties I listened to a band called Lifetime with a shocking amount of regularity. I still smile from ear to ear whenever one of their songs comes up on the ole mp3 player. However I can't help but feel like they did the world a disservice. A friend of mine once remarked that he wished he could go back in time and talk to "Jersey's Best Dancers" right as the finished recording "Hello Bastards." He said the conversation would go something like this, "Hey guys, look your new record is amazing. You are about to see levels of success you didn't think possible. I need you to give me all the DAT tapes so that I can distribute them to the correct people. See you are about to inspire more shitty bands then I can shake a stick at." I feel much the same way about Whitney Houston, except I would simply ask her to never sing again.

The second issue is a bit more complex. Due to this I shall talk about it rather quickly. I find it very strange to stand and clap for someone who was part of a group that invaded a sovereign nation under false pretenses. While it is by no means that persons fault that this happened, it happened. I am glad they are home safe, but over all I find the process a bit disconcerting.

And lastly the first point shall be tackled. How in the holy hell did we screw up so bad that I am now ashamed to be from this country?