Hollywood we need to talk.

Hey man, how's it going? Really? Good good. Glad to hear your dog's feeling better. Look I don't know the best way to tell you this, so I am just going to come right out and say it. Please for the love of God, Allah, Brigham Young, Confucius, Shiva, and Buda stop writing about computers in your TV shows and movies. You suck at it. You do plenty of other things really well, so this is nothing to be ashamed of. We all have our short coming and faults. You need to believe me when I tell you that you have no earthly idea what your talking about when it comes to computers. The way you write about technology reminds me of a drunk uncle during Christmas. Completely and utterly unintelligible, and just not terrible fun to be around. Some of my favorite examples of your bad writing include, but are by no means limited to:

1) The movie Hackers. I mean wow...just wow...since when is surfing the Internet even remotely like that?

2) Sword Fish. While I thank you from the bottom of my heart for the topless Halley Berry shot, can you please explain to me what a Hydra is exactly, and how getting several cubes to line up a certain way remotely effects whether or not a virus is going to work?

3) The Last Die Hard Movie, it seems they are hacking all of the Internets again...

4) Any movie where the computer screens contents are being projected on to a persons face. Now your just breaking simple laws of physics. For more on this please visit XKCD.

5) While I never saw Firewall, I can only assume it was god awful.

So please in the interest of our on going relationship stop writing about technology. Stick to great movies like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind or Hot Fuzz.