It's the little things that you notice

It's when you wake up in the middle of the night b/c you suffer from insomnia (which is most likely really sleep apnea) and you look to the spot where your dog should be and she isn't.

It's when you wake up in the morning, and you go into your standard routine and you say, without even opening your eyes, "Hey wanna go outside?" Only to realize your talking to yourself.

You then try and remember if you got drunk the night before and simply forgot her outside again.

It's knowing that you have been drunk for days, but in fact she isn't outside. At least not outside your house.

It's when you're out with friends all day, and you think to yourself, "Oh I need to get home so I can...do nothing...do nothing at all. I have no reason to hurry home."

It's when you're at work and realize you could get a lot done if you stayed the extra hour, but know you can't because you need to let...no one out. You have no one at home needing to go out.

It's when you go to the grocery store for the first time, and you see the pet food isle and I think to yourself, "Do I need dog food?" Then the harsh reality of the word 'No.' sets in.

It's looking at your floor every few minutes to see that her dog bed is still there with the last dog biscuit you ever gave her.

The biscuit is still there because you realized that she was too weak to even eat it.

It's when you still walk past her food bowl every single time you go into the kitchen.

It's her toys still randomly being around the house because you simply can't bring yourself to pick the damn things up.

It's knowing you need to return the kennel you have had on loan for so many damn years now that you can't even remember*, but some how you're not able to do that.

Finally it's going to the mail box, opening it up and seeing a letter from the Vet who had to put your dog to sleep. Reading the sappy religious quote on the front, and knowing that God still gives you little comfort because you can't shut down your brain enough to buy into it.** Then opening the card to see hand written notes to you (from both Vets) and knowing that you don't have the strength to read them. So you throw it in your car so that you can continue pretending it never happened.

And the hardest moment of all is walking into the now painfully empty home.

*Thanks Patrick, I'll get it back to you soon.


**Not saying you have to be dumb to believe in God. I am saying there are things that I think and know that make it damn near impossible for me. Though I have been wrong about things in the past. Well...once anyways, but it turned out later I was right.

An Homage if you will

Safeguy use to do this thing called inflamitory fridays on his site. I believe the tradition has died, and while I don't plan to make this a weekly thing*, I felt this would be fun. So in his honor I point out how dumb this head line is.

"Eliminate Violence Against Women? Get the Boys on Board"

Here's a grand idea...how about we just end violence ok?


*Hell I barely write some weeks.

It all comes back around

Note: I would like to see some of my more graphic design oriented friends tackle this topic in a more in depth manner*, but I have been pondering how aesthetics move in cycles.

When the iPhone first came out, I was blown away by how pretty it is. All those beautiful rounded edges. How it's so damn minimal. Just the one button on the front. It was so sleek and clean. It was truly something to behold. So what happened? Everyone ripped off that look**.

Now the Droid is coming out friday***, and the design of this phone (while similar to the iPhone) is kind of a throw back. I have seen all kinds of people talk about how the Droid isn't "sexy". I have no idea when we decided inanimate objects that are suppose to be utilitarian became "sexy", but it seems that it happened. Well maybe it's my clear (and rampant fanboydom) but I can't help but enjoy how the Droid looks. I love it's through back to more rigid and boxy shape. It doesn't look like every other phone, with their smooth and clean lines. It's rigid and terse. It looks like technology use to look like.

Is that a good thing or a bad thing? My bet is that people will start ripping off this look and my pendulum will swing back the other way.


*I'm looking at you David and Patrick

**No blame here. If I was running a company, I would have done the same.

***I promise to stop talking about this damn phone soon.

A link

Safeguy just passed this article along to me. I find it odd that I feel this urgent need to run off and post a blog about something that certainly is encourging us to all take a moment and slow down. However, I know me and I know my life as it is today. If I do not do this now, there is a good chance I won't do this at all.

I often talk about my distain for technology. That is of course a tounge and check sort of way of saying how we should be careful of annointing false gods, or even worse losing any sort of physical connection to those around us.

A Communique From Safeguy

When I arrived at work today Safeguy gave me some really great news. The other day in my post on copyright laws I mentioned that the reason I don't listen to much major label music that most of the bands on majors that I like are broken up.

Well fear not kids we are getting a Cranberries tour and album. We can all sleep soundly.

There is actually a back to story to why he would tell me about this, but it's not all that funny and mostly involves me getting somewhat humiliated, so I think it best we not rehash it here.