It's the little things that you notice

It's when you wake up in the middle of the night b/c you suffer from insomnia (which is most likely really sleep apnea) and you look to the spot where your dog should be and she isn't.

It's when you wake up in the morning, and you go into your standard routine and you say, without even opening your eyes, "Hey wanna go outside?" Only to realize your talking to yourself.

You then try and remember if you got drunk the night before and simply forgot her outside again.

It's knowing that you have been drunk for days, but in fact she isn't outside. At least not outside your house.

It's when you're out with friends all day, and you think to yourself, "Oh I need to get home so I can...do nothing...do nothing at all. I have no reason to hurry home."

It's when you're at work and realize you could get a lot done if you stayed the extra hour, but know you can't because you need to let...no one out. You have no one at home needing to go out.

It's when you go to the grocery store for the first time, and you see the pet food isle and I think to yourself, "Do I need dog food?" Then the harsh reality of the word 'No.' sets in.

It's looking at your floor every few minutes to see that her dog bed is still there with the last dog biscuit you ever gave her.

The biscuit is still there because you realized that she was too weak to even eat it.

It's when you still walk past her food bowl every single time you go into the kitchen.

It's her toys still randomly being around the house because you simply can't bring yourself to pick the damn things up.

It's knowing you need to return the kennel you have had on loan for so many damn years now that you can't even remember*, but some how you're not able to do that.

Finally it's going to the mail box, opening it up and seeing a letter from the Vet who had to put your dog to sleep. Reading the sappy religious quote on the front, and knowing that God still gives you little comfort because you can't shut down your brain enough to buy into it.** Then opening the card to see hand written notes to you (from both Vets) and knowing that you don't have the strength to read them. So you throw it in your car so that you can continue pretending it never happened.

And the hardest moment of all is walking into the now painfully empty home.

*Thanks Patrick, I'll get it back to you soon.


**Not saying you have to be dumb to believe in God. I am saying there are things that I think and know that make it damn near impossible for me. Though I have been wrong about things in the past. Well...once anyways, but it turned out later I was right.

Palin

I stole this from my friend Nick. I find most of this to be truly amazing. It isn't Michael Moore unfair, but it is probably a bad sample size of her base, or worse it's an accurate sample of her base.

Giving Up To Soon

Often times in life I find we give up to soon on people. I am far more guilty of this then most people we know. When the phrase "Oh ye oh little faith..." is uttered, they are talking about me. I am a skeptic at best and a complete disbeliever at worst.*

For years now I have been told that Clay Buchholz would end up being a stud pitcher. I read some of the scouting reports. I listened as writers I respect crowed over his stats and his bad luck. I saw as he was clearly just trying to be to fine and strike everyone out. I watched with joy as he no hit the Baltimore Orioles.** I watched with abject horror as he walked batter after batter after batter. I gazed at the screen with sheer terror as he threw 100 pitches by seemingly the third inning. I lived the emotional roller coaster ride of this young mans carer first hand.

Now, I should I have known better. I went through the exact same thing with Jon Lester. I know in my mind that sometimes it takes young pitchers a while to get it together. I know this at the core of my very being. I also know that more often then not young pitchers simply don't work out due to a myriad of reasons.

So what does this all have to do with Clay Buchholz? Well, I had given up on him. I knew he was in the minors destroying people, but I didn't care. I didn't think we needed him after all we had John Smoltz and Brady Penny.*** I thought how the team didn't need to put their faith in this roller coaster of a pitcher. Of course it turned out I was way wrong and the old adage about you can never have to much starting pitching turned out to be true. So all I can say is that I think I was wrong about Buchholz and that his last few games are finally starting to show that pitcher that I think everyone thinks he can be. I leave you with some of his numbers from his last few starts.

September 13th vs The Tampa Bay (Devil)Rays
7.0 IP, 5 H, 1 ER, 5/3 K/BB, 12/8 GB/FB, he got a ND but pitched more then well enough to win.

September 8th vs The Baltimore Oriels
7.0 IP, 3 H, 0 ER, 5/1 K/BB, 12/7 GB/FB, Took the win.

September 8th vs The Tampa Bay (Devil)Ray (on the road)
6.0 IP, 6 H, 3 ER, 3/1 K/BB, 10/11 GB/FB, Took the win

August 29th vs Toronto
8.1 IP, 3 H, 1 ER, 9/2 K/BB, 11/7 GB/FB, Took the win.

Now these are not exactly the numbers of a number one starter (I'd like more strike outs), but if this is your third starter, you got a real chance to be good. Let's hope he can keep it going.



*Note: This isn't about religion. I promise.

**Yes they are a real team Doug


***That sound you hear is me slamming my head into my desk. Those guys were terrible with the Red Sox and now look like GODS in the N.L.